


Fallout

by yeaka



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Post Star Trek: Into Darkness, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-30
Updated: 2013-05-30
Packaged: 2017-12-13 10:28:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/823248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeaka/pseuds/yeaka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pavel comes home to an empty apartment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fallout

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Calm](https://archiveofourown.org/works/811664) by [yeaka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeaka/pseuds/yeaka). 



> A/N: This could follow up on [Racktajino](http://archiveofourown.org/works/820731/chapters/1554691) or [The Calm](http://archiveofourown.org/works/811664).
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own Star Trek or any of its contents, and I’m not making any money off this.

They’re going to set off again, of course. After a stunt like that, Captain Kirk had to be given the Enterprise permanently, and lucky Pavel gets to sit at the helm.

But he doesn’t _feel_ so lucky, and when he gets back to his apartment for the one-week break before take off, he walks straight over to the bed. 

The whole place is unbearably empty. He isn’t jumped at the door or followed on his way to the bedroom, there aren’t any catcalls and there are no restraints waiting for him. A part of him, his animal instincts that can’t be reasoned with, keep expecting it. John—no, _Kahn_ , he reminds himself—always seemed so indestructible. It’s hard to realize that he’s gone. 

His fingerprints are still all over Pavel’s skin, under his uniform. Long, thin fingerprints—shoes no one else will be able to fill. Pavel’s spoiled now, and he cocoons himself up in his blankets, burring his head in his pillow. If he inhales very, very deeply, he can still smell the faint, guttural musk of _John._

 _Khan._ That’s his real name, and Pavel needs to learn to use it. When he first heard the announcement of what ‘John Harrison’ had done, Pavel had been shocked. When the captain explained who Khan really was, Pavel’s eyes had grown even wider. A part of him still doesn’t believe it; it’s all so surreal.

But another part of him does believe it. Because he knows Khan, and he wouldn’t put it past his wonderful, amazing, domineering, strong, intelligent boyfriend, who really should be an _ex_ -boyfriend. Except Pavel doesn’t want to let go, even when he knows he should. He promised to love forever and do anything to stay, and he meant it. 

And now he’s all alone and about to be launched into the vast recesses of space, all alone in a ship full of strangers. He was supposed to be on Khan’s ship. He never knew what for, but in a way, that never mattered. He was supposed to be by Khan’s side, and he curls into himself tighter, struggling to be alright. 

He wants to cry. But that won’t help. Khan would scold him. Or kiss him, depending on the mood. He tells himself over and over that Khan isn’t dead, anyway. It’s just _over._

In some ways, that’s just as bad. 

It’s too much. Pavel abruptly shoves himself off the bed. He needs a shower. A scalding hot shower to burn out the pain off loss, leave him shivering and sobbing for other reasons. He’s about to tug his shirt over his head when he passes his dresser and spots the PADD sitting on top—Khan must’ve left it there on the last night they shared. 

Pavel intends to take it back into the living room, but his eyes naturally skim over it while he walks, scanning the page.

It’s blueprints of Starfleet’s primary research building in London, where, according to the PADD, cryostasis chambers are typically kept. Pavel’s feet stop in their tracks, his whole body frozen. 

He knows he shouldn’t. He spent so much time _fighting_ Khan on the Enterprise, fighting just for survival. Khan would’ve killed them all, and who knows what else, gone on to conquer the galaxy, even. Betrayed the Federation and everything Pavel stands for.

But Pavel’s shaking fingers scroll down the page of their own accord, revealing schematics, maps, and instructions. All things Pavel can decipher, but hardly anyone else could; complicated plans that will use every one of Pavel’s advanced degrees. 

There’s a note at the bottom that reads:

_‘My darling Pavel,_

_If you’re reading this,_

_come and get me.’_

The PADD falls out of Pavel’s hands. He’s trembling all over. Stumbles back. The ‘darling’ is a lie, he knows that now; it’s a ploy to ensnare him, tug at his heart. Pavel’s heart is beating so fast it’s all he can hear, his chest constricting. He couldn’t betray his captain. His ship. His _planet_.

He tells himself he’ll delete the data and go to the shower, wash away all the dirt and curl up in bed.

Instead he bends down and picks up the PADD, racing toward the door of _their_ apartment.


End file.
